Midway through my career, I stepped into a new management position with a new director.
A few months in, a pattern developed.
Every Sunday evening, I’d get a text message from him—something “urgent” that needed to be handled first thing Monday morning.
Here’s the part I didn’t say out loud at the time: Sundays were sacred to me. A day of worship, rest and time with my family.
But I didn’t push back.
I didn’t set a boundary.
I said yes out of fear that saying no might hurt my reputation or my career.
That experience taught me something many women leaders in IT learn the hard way.
If you don’t manage expectations with your manager, you’ll spend your career reacting instead of leading.
In this episode, we’ll explore how setting boundaries in your IT career reduces burnout and why it’s a critical leadership skill.
Learn to Manage Expectations as a Woman Leader in IT
Learning how to manage expectations with your manager is a crucial skill for women leaders in IT.
I didn’t master it early on in my career. I learned it when my body started sending signals I could no longer ignore–chronic headaches, constant tension in my neck and back, and an inability to unwind, even on weekends.
Looking back now, I realize I didn’t yet have the skill to manage expectations with my manager. I didn’t know him well, and didn’t want to be perceived as someone who wasn’t capable of doing the job I was hired to do.
But saying yes—over and over again—sent the wrong message.
It suggested I had unlimited capacity and no competing priorities, which simply wasn’t true.
Yes, I had a lot to learn in that role. The responsibilities were new and demanding. But the constant accommodation came at a cost. My own work scope suffered, my team felt it, and so did my health.
Here’s something important to understand:
When managers receive assignments from their leaders, it often comes with urgency and pressure. That urgency gets passed down quickly. Not out of malice, but out of necessity.
Managers turn to the people they trust most. The ones that are dependable, capable, and who get things done.
I’ll bet this sounds familiar to you.
And while those qualities are your strengths, they shouldn’t come at the expense of everything else on your priority list.
Here’s the truth: your manager will keep asking you to take on additional responsibilities. Not because they’re trying to take advantage of you, but because they don’t see the full scope of your work.
Managing expectations isn’t about refusing work. It’s about making your work visible.
When leaders see the whole picture, they often realize what they’re asking isn’t reasonable.
5 Ways Women Leaders in IT Can Manage Expectations:
- Make your work visible.
- Don’t assume your workload is understood. Clearly share your priorities and timelines.
- Anchor conversations in priorities, not urgency.
- Discover where a new assignment fits relative to existing commitments.
- Invite your manager into trade-off decisions.
- Ask which priorities can shift to accommodate the new assignment.
- Clarify the ‘why’ behind last-minute requests.
- Understand what’s driving the urgency and what flexibility exists.
- Treat expectation-setting as an ongoing leadership skill.
- Regular check-ins keep alignment strong and prevent overload.
This is a critical skill women leaders in IT must learn—because without it, burnout isn’t a possibility. It’s inevitable.
I learned this the hard way.
What did all that accommodation get me?
No promotion.
No higher merit increase.
Just growing health problems and exhaustion.
If this is something you’re currently struggling with, don’t continue down this path!
Learning to manage expectations with your manager requires assertiveness and perseverance. Yes, it can feel uncomfortable at first, but I promise you it’s absolutely worth it.
You deserve to be recognized as a leader—not someone constantly reacting.
Set expectations and protect your energy.
Stay empowered and lead assertively!