The organization you work in sets the cultural tone and operational standards. Your values determine how you choose to lead within it.
There was a time in my career when it was the norm to:
- Call someone out publicly if they made a mistake
- Make organizational changes without speaking to those impacted
- Shut someone down in a meeting because they didn’t agree
I observed these behaviors modeled by senior leaders, both men and women in IT.
Without realizing it, I started adopting behaviors I believed were necessary to succeed.
Until one day it hit me—I had compromised my own integrity.
In this episode, discover how to lead with your values, even when unhealthy behaviors are modeled by others.
Lead Your IT Team with Personal Integrity
What I want to share next is a leadership mistake I made. One that challenged my integrity and fundamentally changed how I chose to lead.
I recall the moment I realized I had adopted some unhealthy behaviors modeled by others.
I was in a meeting with my entire Directorate and without naming them, called someone out from my team.
I was frustrated with what I perceived to be a lack of commitment for an important deliverable. Instead of sitting down and discussing it with them personally, I released my frustration publicly in that meeting.
I know you may be cringing right now—and that’s fair. I did too, once I realized the impact.
Similar to how children model the behaviors of their parents, you tend to model the leadership behaviors of those in your organization, even when you may innately know they aren’t healthy. They can become the norm, not the exception.
I’ve always had strong intuition and I sensed the emotional distress from my team and colleagues in the room. When I realized what I had done, it was too late. Words were said that I could not take back.
I met with the employee the next day and apologized. The emotional impact of this reality had settled in and I felt absolutely terrible about my behavior.
I took full ownership and accountability for my actions and stated there was no excuse for the way I acted. I had humiliated the employee in front of their peers and colleagues. Something I vowed I would NEVER do!
It took years to rebuild trust—and I don’t blame them. I had crossed a professional boundary.
In that moment, I not only lost the respect of the employee but also my team.
That was a painful lesson and an experience in my career I’m not proud of.
It taught me a lot about the importance of maintaining personal integrity in leadership roles and checking in with ourselves emotionally on a continual basis.
I learned that when I’m frustrated, I say things I wouldn’t normally say out loud. In those moments, my emotional intelligence is compromised. I’ve had to raise awareness when I find myself in that state and immediately take action to alleviate it.
You don’t have to model the unhealthy behaviors of those around you to become a respected, credible leader. If you discover those behaviors are not consistent with your personal values, stand in your power and do what you know is right.
Don’t compromise your value system or ethical standards, for anything or anyone.
It takes a strong leader to go against the organizational norm, but that is one of the ways your employees will respect and remember you most.
Your soul will find peace doing what’s right for you.
You can learn impactful lessons even when you work with leaders that don’t model the behaviors you personally value. Some of the managers I’ve learned the most from are those that struggled with managing personnel effectively. I learned from their mistakes and it helped me become a better manager because of it.
That experience reshaped how I lead. And it led me to a few non-negotiables I now live by.
Here are 5 Tips for Maintaining Personal Integrity as a Woman Leader in IT
1. Pause before you act
When pressure is high, resist the urge to mirror what you’ve seen others do. Pause long enough to ask whether your response aligns with your values.
2. Separate frustration from feedback
Strong leaders don’t suppress frustration; they process it privately so feedback can be delivered with clarity, not emotion.
3. Choose accountability over image
Owning a mistake, promptly and sincerely, preserves credibility far more than defending behavior you know wasn’t right.
4. Lead to the standard you wish existed
Even when unhealthy behaviors are normalized, consistently modeling respect, dignity, and fairness sets a new bar for your team. Treat people like people, not objects.
5. Build personal guardrails
Know your emotional triggers and create intentional practices that help you respond thoughtfully instead of reactively.
Integrity isn’t about never making mistakes. It’s about the actions you take when you realize you’ve made one.
Stay empowered and lead assertively!