Do you ever find yourself avoiding professional events where you walk into a room and know no one?
For many years, I didn’t realize how uncomfortable those situations were for me because I usually attended with a coworker.
But when you’re on your own, it can feel vulnerable. You walk into a room full of strangers and suddenly you’re not quite sure where to begin.
If you’re an introvert, you’re certainly not alone.
I’m an introvert too, and many of the women leaders in IT I work with have shared similar struggles.
So when people tell you to “network more” how do you do that when large groups drain your energy?
But what if you don’t need a bigger network at all? What if you just need a few trusted allies?
Some of the strongest allies and professional relationships I’ve built in my career came from one-on-one conversations and genuine connections.
In this episode, we’ll explore five ways to build allies, influence, and new opportunities in your IT career.
Building Influence Through Allies and Relationships
For years, I thought networking meant trying to be someone I wasn’t.
What I eventually learned is that I didn’t need to become an extrovert. I simply needed to become more intentional about building relationships.
And here’s what surprised me most:
Many of the opportunities I received throughout my career didn’t come from knowing hundreds of people.
They came from a handful of trusted relationships.
- People who knew my work.
- People who trusted me.
- People who were willing to advocate for me when opportunities arose.
That’s really what we’re talking about today—building allies. Because allies become advocates and advocates increase your visibility.
For many women leaders in IT, visibility is often the missing piece. You can do excellent work, but if the right people don’t know about it, opportunities can pass you by.
Visibility often creates opportunities you may never have discovered on your own.
The good news is that introverts are often naturally gifted at the very thing that builds strong allies—developing deep, authentic relationships.
So you don’t need a large network. You just need one that you can rely on. One that will be there to support and advocate for you.
If building relationships and allies has felt awkward or uncomfortable, that’s okay.
The good news is that building allies doesn’t require a complete personality change. It starts with a few simple habits.
Here are 5 Ways to Build Allies, Influence and New Opportunities:
1. Focus on One Relationship at a Time
Instead of trying to build a large network, start by identifying one person you’d like to know better.
Maybe:
- Another manager
- A program manager
- A project manager
- A business partner
- Or someone in another organization
A single conversation can create more opportunities than a room full of strangers.
In fact, many of the most influential relationships in my career started with one simple conversation.
2. Use Curiosity as Your Superpower
Introverts are often better listeners than speakers.
Ask questions:
- About where they grew up
- Went to college
- How they got into IT
- What they’re working on that excites them
- Or what their biggest challenge is right now?
People remember how you make them feel—everyone wants to be heard.
3. Look for Opportunities to Help
Allies aren’t built by asking:
“What can this person do for me?”
They’re built by asking:
“How can I best support you?”
The relationship becomes reciprocal over time. As you learn more about them, look for opportunities to collaborate.
4. Create Your Own Circle of Trust
Instead of trying to know everyone, intentionally build a small circle of people you trust.
Perhaps:
- A mentor
- A peer
- A leader from another organization
- Someone with strong business acumen
- Someone who will challenge your thinking
Having these types of relationships are so valuable and will help you grow exponentially in your career.
5. Stay Connected Before You Need Something
Many women wait until they need support for a big idea, a promotion, funding, or a new opportunity.
And that’s too late.
The strongest relationships are built long before you need them.
Establish a regular cadence to check-in, even if it is only for 10-15 minutes at a time.
And this brings me back to where we started—walking into a room where you don’t know anyone.
You don’t need to meet everyone in the room. Just focus on being curious and get to know a few people.
That’s when networking will become easier.
Attending events where you don’t know anyone won’t become any more comfortable unless you get outside your comfort zone.
Get in the habit of introducing yourself when you first sit down. It opens the door for further communication and helps ease the tension you might be feeling.
You never know where that one conversation might lead.
In fact, if you haven’t listened to Episode 20, “How Women Leaders in IT Build Influence and Get Results,” I encourage you to go back and listen to it.
In that episode, I share how a few key relationships helped me secure support for a $500K funding request in my early management career.
It’s a great example of why allies matter and how influential relationships can help your best ideas gain traction.
Make a habit of collecting contact information for future endeavors.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve reached out to people I’ve met at events. You never know when you might have occasions to collaborate. It’s happened many times throughout my career.
Building allies and an influential network is something I work with women leaders in IT on. It’s not as difficult as you might think, but it does take strategy.
Many of them assume they’re at a disadvantage because they’re introverts. In reality they already possess many of the qualities that help build strong, trusted relationships.
Building relationships may just seem like another task. The challenge is making time for it when you’re busy, when it feels uncomfortable, or when you’re convinced you’re bothering people.
That’s where many introverts get stuck.
But relationship-building is a leadership skill, not a personality trait. And like any leadership skill, it gets stronger with practice.
You don’t need to become more outgoing or become someone you’re not. You simply need to take small, intentional steps to build meaningful relationships over time.
So I want to leave you with a question: Who is one person in your organization or professional network that you’d like to know better—and what is one small step you could take this week to start building that relationship?
Stay empowered and lead assertively!