If you gathered your team in a room and asked them a handful of questions about their lives, would you be surprised by what you learn?
Many leaders assume they know their team because they work together every day.
But knowing what someone does at work isn’t the same as knowing who they are.
And that matters more than you might think.
When work gets busy, it’s easy to focus on projects, deadlines, and technical challenges.
But your most important asset isn’t technology—it’s people.
The people who make your team succeed every day.
The most effective women leaders in IT understand something important:
When team members feel like they’re known—not just managed—the entire dynamic of the team changes.
People don’t give their best work to leaders who only know their job title. They give their best work to leaders who know them as people.
In this episode, we’ll explore how getting to know your team helps build trust and a high-performing team culture.
Why Trust Starts With Getting to Know Your Team
I thought I knew my team well when we all worked in the office together. I had worked with some of my team members for years while others were new to the team.
But something unexpected happened when we were all forced to work remotely during the COVID-19 pandemic—we got to know each other in a more meaningful way and formed deeper relationships and friendships.
Did that happen for you too during that time?
There were several teams in IT who had minimal connection with their leaders and were really struggling.
But we chose to create a better work environment for everyone despite the difficult circumstances we all found ourselves in, which required intentional leadership on our part.
I recall discussing ideas of what might be helpful and we agreed on having a call one day a week where we would all answer a question that was sent out in advance.
The questions ranged from, “tell us about your family makeup” to “how would you most like to be remembered when you pass away”. We had silly questions and more profound questions that really made people think.
At first, some of the team members were hesitant to engage. And honestly, if someone had asked some of those questions in a work setting a few years earlier, I probably would have been hesitant too.
I could sense they were uncomfortable sharing something personal with people they worked with.
But the fact that we were all going through the pandemic together, unable to socialize and recreate in ways we normally would, made us appreciate each other more.
We were all in it together and openly shared our struggles. That kind of vulnerability is exactly what we all needed to open the door to more meaningful, trusting relationships.
What started as a simple team-building exercise became much more. We weren’t just learning facts about each other. We were building trust. And at that time, I didn’t fully realize what was happening.
Having trusting relationships within your team environment changes everything—people communicate more openly, they collaborate with others, and they handle conflict differently.
Ultimately, they hold themselves and each other accountable for their work.
In Patrick Lencioni’s book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, he states that the first and most important dysfunction of a team is the absence of trust and everything else stems from that.
- Without trust, people avoid vulnerability.
- Without vulnerability, they avoid healthy conflict.
- Without healthy conflict, commitment suffers.
- Accountability declines.
- Results suffer.
And as I reflect on those five dysfunctions, that’s exactly what I’ve experienced with teams I’ve managed through the years.
When trust is low on the team, people tend to hold back, communicate and contribute less.
As a woman leader in IT, modeling vulnerability is one of your super powers and most women are naturally better at it than men.
Many leaders mistakenly believe vulnerability makes them look weak, but in my experience, the opposite is true.
You admit it when you make mistakes.
You aren’t afraid to admit you don’t know something.
You talk about challenges in the organization and openly share information.
And while you may not see an immediate difference in your team, I promise they are watching and learning from you.
Teams follow the behaviors they see in their leaders and when you consistently model vulnerability, it creates a foundation of trust with your team.
The trust we built during that time didn’t disappear when the pandemic ended. In fact, I’m still friends with many of those team members today.
That experience taught me that getting to know your team isn’t a soft leadership skill, it’s a strategic one.
They need to trust you and each other in order to engage in healthy conflict, be committed, accountable, and perform to their highest potential.
So take some time this week to assess your team and determine where you might need to make changes. And remember, it all starts with you as their leader—how can you show vulnerability with your team?
And if you’re struggling with accountability on your team, trust is often one of the first places I encourage leaders to look.
Many leaders assume accountability problems are performance problems and while there definitely is a tight correlation between the two, trust is often the root cause of the issues.
If you’re seeing signs of low trust, poor communication or accountability challenges on your team, I would love to help you!
In my private 90-minute Accountability Mastery Session, we’ll identify what’s really getting in the way of accountability on your team and create a practical plan to strengthen trust, accountability, and performance.
Go to empoweredwomeninit.com/accountability-mastery/.
Stay empowered and lead assertively!