Experience won’t protect you from being overlooked.
Allies and advocates will.
Angela Elliott had nearly 15 years of experience, a strong track record, and a seat at the leadership table.
Yet her manager worked around her, left her out of important conversations, and dismissed her ideas—only to embrace those same ideas when a male colleague shared them.
And that’s what makes this conversation so important.
Being overlooked doesn’t only happen early in your career.
It can happen at any level, and when it does, you need a strategy.
In this episode, Angela shares how she navigated that experience with the support of a trusted colleague who became both an ally and an advocate, helping her rebuild her confidence and find her voice again.
Because sometimes the difference between being overlooked and being heard is having the right person willing to stand beside you and speak up.
The Power of Allies and Advocates to Protect Your Voice and Confidence
Tina:
Joining me today on the Empowered Women in IT podcast is Angela Elliott. Angela, welcome.
Angela:
Very nice to be here. Thanks for the warm welcome.
Tina:
Angela and I met a few weeks ago through some mutual connections, and after speaking with her, I know she has a lot of great advice and wisdom to share with women leaders in IT and tech.
I’m so grateful you’re here and so excited that you’re blazing the trail with me today to be the first interview on my podcast. So thank you.
Angela:
Super excited to be the first. It’s always fun.
Tina:
I love it. It’s going to be awesome!
Angela, would you start by telling us a little about your journey into technology and what led you into leadership?
Angela:
As far as technology, it’s kind of a funny, long story. Back in high school, Hewlett-Packard was the company in town in Boise. I live in Boise, Idaho, and really, it’s where everybody wanted to be.
Even me in high school saw what people were doing there and was excited about it. So I applied for a high school internship there and was able to get one. Then I turned that into a college internship, started full-time, and was there for many years—20-plus years.
The pull to me was that excitement around it being the big employer in town, but I had also always been interested in science, math, and all of the STEM-type classes and was always great at them.
I will have to give some credit to my parents. They always said I could do whatever I wanted to do, so I had the confidence to go for that internship.
I was one of four, and there were, I think, 135 applicants. So I felt very blessed to be able to have that experience.
Once I was in the door, I wanted to stay. So I worked through what it looked like to stay at the company and what I could do for my degree to make sure I could come back and be valued there.
I started as a firmware developer, so my undergrad is actually in computer science. But I very quickly learned that I was a more social person than that and needed more social interaction, so I moved into project and program management.
That’s really where I’ve spent the rest of my career. It wasn’t always that title, but that’s pretty much what I was doing in the roles.
Currently, I’ve ended up at CrowdStrike on the PMO team there, and I’m super excited about the future of AI and cybersecurity.
I think a lot of it is that natural curiosity—how do things work, and how do you figure out hard problems? That’s really what drew me to tech.
Then, going into management, I was a cheerleader, so I’m all about leading people and not necessarily with authority. Program management was a perfect fit for me—really getting everybody headed in the same direction, making an impact, and getting things done.
Tina:
I love that. It’s so cool that you got an internship through HP at the time. That was probably fairly rare, I would think.
Angela:
Yes, it was very rare at the time. Like I said, there were only four available, and it was open to the whole Treasure Valley. There were a lot of people who put in for it.
I was super excited about that, and really, that kick-started my whole career. When I think back, I don’t know where I would have ended up if I hadn’t been able to do that and have that experience.
Tina:
I love that you got one as a woman because that was probably also somewhat rare, right?
Angela:
It was. I was the only one.
Tina:
It sounds like you’ve had a really fascinating journey. Along the way, I’m sure there were highs and lows. Would you share one of the most difficult challenges you faced and how it impacted you at the time?
Angela:
The one that sticks out the most to me was actually not when I first joined HP. It was longer into my career. I think I’d been there almost 15 years.
At the time, I was very used to being the only woman in the room and very comfortable with that. Then I finally ran into somebody who made that more difficult.
I had a manager at the time, and it wasn’t necessarily anything overt. It was more just being left out.
For example, if he was away on a business trip, he would call and check in with all my male peers and then my male subordinate, but he would not call me directly to get updates.
I would say ideas in a meeting room and I’d be dismissed. Then one of my peers would say the same idea, and it was the greatest idea ever.
It was really difficult to try to navigate that, especially when I was used to being in that type of environment with only men. All of a sudden, this dynamic changed, and it wasn’t something I had experienced before. I was trying to figure out how to address it.
Tina:
Just thinking about that situation, I’m sure that was so difficult. Especially because, at that point in your career, you definitely had some experience and had a lot of leadership qualities.
I’m curious, was there someone who came alongside you during that time who really helped you through that?
Angela:
Yeah. One of my peers was on the management team with me. This was the first time I was an actual manager as well, not just a program manager. I actually had a team.
One of my male peers really became my ally. I talked through my frustrations with him about what was happening. He saw it himself and really helped me get the other peers in the room to start acknowledging that it was my idea and redirecting credit back to me.
He also continued to point out where my manager was leaving me out of things: “Why isn’t Angie here? Did you check with her too on what’s going on?”
That peer was so supportive and really turned it around and made it a workable situation.
I will also say that same person very much encouraged me to expand my knowledge base and expand my experience. He pushed me to get my PMP, so I got my PMP right after that, and he also encouraged me to go get my executive MBA.
He was really trying to help me grow. I think the biggest thing for me was that he showed he truly believed in me and believed in my abilities and was there to help me grow and meet those expectations.
That was very important. I don’t know that I would have made it through that situation, honestly, without some support and some help there.
Tina:
That’s impressive—to have a man, especially, who is willing to go to bat for you and willing to ask those harder questions, like he did with your manager: “Have you talked to Angie about this?”
That takes a lot of courage on his part to be able to do that.
And then it sounds like he gave you some great advice to be able to go back and get your executive MBA and your PMP and really expand what you were doing at the time.
Angela:
For sure. That ally piece is so important—having a voice that’s telling you they believe in you.
Because sometimes when you get in those situations, it’s hard to continue to believe that in yourself. You start thinking, “Is it me? Am I not saying something correctly?” You start second-guessing yourself. You start losing confidence.
Having an ally who’s there to help build your confidence and say, “No, you’re saying the right things. This is not a you problem, and let me help you,” was very pivotal for me, for sure.
Tina:
What I’m hearing from you is that he wasn’t just an ally; he was an advocate.
Angela:
Yeah, I would say he definitely transitioned into the advocate.
I think generally, in my mind, I kind of say peers are allies and then advocates are up the management chain, but that’s not necessarily true.
I do think he advocated for me. He even talked to the other peers and had them help in this situation too, so he had them do the same redirection that he was doing.
Really, just having somebody in your corner and fighting for you is really important.
Tina:
I applaud him.
Angela:
I do too. We still talk today. We’re very close. I’ve watched his career; he’s watched mine. We’re not at the same company anymore, but we still talk on a regular basis and check in with each other and see how things are going.
Tina:
That’s wonderful.
Many women in IT are naturally introverted, and sometimes networking and building allies can be difficult for them.
I’m curious what advice you would give someone who may be in a situation like you were in—someone who is struggling with a manager or a peer or a leader of some type in their organization.
What would be your advice to help them get to a point where they first recognize they really need allies and then have the courage to reach out and start that process?
Angela:
One thing I will lead with is that leaders are generally always willing to give their time to at least listen to you.
I’ve never had somebody turn me down when I asked for time on their calendar, no matter who it was.
“Hey, I’ve got something I need to run by you. I’ve got a question. I’d just like to meet you. I’ve seen your career.”
Generally, you can always get at least five minutes of their time. It might not be a long time, but don’t be afraid to reach out.
I think that’s the biggest thing. I think people, especially women, are concerned with that rejection piece. Like I said, I just don’t see it happen very often, and it hasn’t happened to me.
If you are willing to put yourself out there and ask for help and ask for access to other people, they’re generally willing to provide that.
Getting over that fear of rejection, I think, is a big thing.
Finding a buddy who can go to events with you can also help so you’re not coming in flat-footed. You have somebody there who can help you start the conversations.
But you also have to be very diligent in breaking away from that person during networking so you don’t just stay with that person.
It at least gives you a way to feel comfortable when you enter the room. But again, you have to break away and be cognizant of, “I can’t just spend all my time with that person. I need to go and talk to other people in the room.”
Really, I just looked for people whom I admired—how they ran their business or specific things they did.
No leader is perfect. When I mentor folks, I always point out: take the good and get rid of the bad. Everybody has both.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. If you see somebody who’s good at one thing, go talk to them about that one thing. Then look for somebody who’s better at some of the things that person isn’t good at. Really try to pick and choose.
I leaned into those I admired and who I thought were doing a great job at how they were running their business and how they were leading.
Again, just don’t be afraid to reach out. It’s scary. I will always say I still get nervous even after more than 40 years. It is nerve-wracking.
But putting yourself out there is the only way you can start making these allies. Then things become easier because you can lean into your network.
You already know a lot of these people. You talk to that person, and suddenly they know somebody else who can help with that situation.
I think that’s the biggest piece of advice I would give.
Tina:
You shared a lot of great wisdom there.
I’ve seen—and I know I’ve been guilty of this—sometimes you get too comfortable going to networking events and conferences and things like that.
You’re exactly right. If you stay with whoever you’re with the whole time, you’re not networking. You’re there with your comfort person, and you’re really never going to meet other people and build the support network that you need if you do that.
Angela:
Yeah, it’s hard. I’m not going to say it’s easy.
But just being conscious of that helps too. If your whole intent is to go to an event like that to network, make sure you’re actually doing it.
Tina:
Yeah, exactly.
As women grow in their careers, what opportunities do they have to become allies and advocates for other women?
Angela:
This one’s always interesting to me because I’ve seen both sides of the coin, where women are fantastic advocates for other women, and I’ve also seen where it can become kind of a combative-type situation.
I think understanding where that specific woman is on that spectrum is important. Again, it’s just reaching out and having those conversations.
You may not know until you’ve talked to somebody what kind of person they are.
We reveal ourselves through our actions and not just our words. So watch what people are doing.
It usually becomes pretty obvious quickly who’s leaning into more of that servant-leadership style, where they’re really wanting to build those under them up and aren’t threatened by that.
I think the biggest thing that you run against there is that people start to feel threatened.
But join all the groups. Join the women’s group. It’s always a great place because they’re there by choice.
If you have a women’s network within your company, join it. That’s where you’re going to find a lot of allies who can help you find that upper-level advocate.
Most companies offer quite a few different activities where you can connect, and I recommend participating.
Those women’s networks are a great place. Whether it’s friendship or support at work or whatever, we all have similar stories. It’s a great place to meet and connect with other women in the organization.
Tina:
You mentioned servant leadership and qualities of servant leadership. I’m curious, what are some of those that you can think of? How would someone know who to choose?
Angela:
When I talk about servant leadership to my employees, the concept for me is: if I’m a leader in an organization and I can improve my 10 people who report to me, even fractionally, that’s a 10x output compared with just focusing on myself.
It’s really about building and growing the team and making them successful, because if they’re successful, I’m successful as a leader.
You can generally tell those types of leaders if they’re putting their people in the room to present and if they’re giving credit where it should go instead of taking credit for the work themselves.
You can generally pick up on a leader calling people out and saying, “Oh, this person delivered this part of it.”
Those are the people you want to look for and be connected with.
If they’re only stating that they were successful because of themselves, those are the people I generally avoid, because you know that person had people under them who were making them successful.
If they’re sharing that credit, that’s a good indicator that they’re a servant-type leader.
Tina:
Great advice on servant leadership there and choosing allies and advocates who have those qualities.
What do you wish someone had told you earlier in your career about influence and getting your voice heard?
Angela:
The biggest thing I’ve learned just with experience is everybody puts their pants on one leg at a time.
I think a lot of times we tend to put leadership on this pedestal, like they’re just not approachable.
You have to break out of that and realize they’re just people like you. They have ideas; you have ideas. You shouldn’t limit yourself just because somebody has a specific title.
“Oh, I can’t talk to them because they’re the CTO,” or whatever you want to say that person is.
It’s really about coming into the room with confidence that you have ideas that should be heard, stating them, and not being overly nervous about it.
Having that presence when you come into a room really changes the conversation. At that point, it doesn’t matter what your title is.
If you’re adding value and you’re confidently talking, I think those things are really important.
I wish I knew that early on because I was definitely the one who thought, “I’m not going to go say hi. They’re too busy. They don’t want to interact with just little old me. They don’t want to hear my ideas.”
It’s not true, generally.
A lot of upper management wants to hear what the people in the trenches are doing.
Having the courage and remembering they’re a person too, so you can reach out in that way, would have helped me a lot earlier in my career had I been able to get past that piece.
Tina:
I think a lot of it has to do with trusting yourself too—trusting that you actually do have value to share.
Angela:
It’s the self-confidence piece.
I jokingly say, “Say it with confidence,” even if you’re not confident in what you’re saying.
You can lead a lot of people in a lot of different ways just by saying it with confidence.
I’m not saying you should purposely mislead or anything, but it’s amazing how much difference it makes when somebody speaks with confidence in the room versus somebody saying, “Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt,” or, “I might have this idea.”
No. Go in and say, “I have this idea about how we could approach the problem.”
Don’t ever apologize for putting your thoughts or ideas out on the table.
I think we as women tend to do that. We over-apologize. Don’t do that.
You are a valuable person, or you wouldn’t be in the room to begin with.
If you’re in the room, remind yourself why you’re in the room and what you’re bringing to the conversation, and really reinforce that in your mind.
Tina:
Love that. That’s great advice.
If a woman listening today feels like her voice isn’t being heard, what would you want her to know?
Angela:
I’ll lean back into that confidence piece.
Also remember that there are likely people out there with the same struggles you’re going through. Find those people. Talk through it.
Even the people who seem confident on the outside—a lot of them are going through the same thing on the inside: “Should I be here? Should I speak up? Should I not?”
Have confidence in yourself, and also reach out to that network and build your allies.
Who can you look to in the room? If you start to falter and aren’t as confident in yourself, who in the room is your supporter?
Find that person. Start talking to them, including the room but directing your attention there.
That kind of helps break you out of it because you know that person is supportive of you. Really try to find those people in the room for you.
But be yourself.
At the end of the day, what I find most helpful is people who are genuine—genuine in what they’re saying and genuine in the care they take with their people.
I think that goes a long way. It becomes pretty obvious pretty quickly when leaders aren’t genuine. They’re pretty easy to spot.
And don’t be afraid to move around. That’s the other thing.
That can also be intimidating. Change is always hard. But if you’re truly in a situation where you’re not happy, move on.
Find a different one. Find somewhere where you are valued and you can be heard.
Sometimes we get caught in the cycle of being in that situation, then your confidence starts to wane, and then you’re not confident in going and finding something else.
Don’t let yourself get caught in that cycle. Move on quickly.
Your personal happiness is more important than anything else.
I’ve found that over my career, and with many of the women I’ve talked to, they say, “Oh, I stayed in that way too long.”
They didn’t get out of it what they thought they would get out of it at the end, and it really was kind of a setback for them instead of being a stepping stone.
There are all kinds of opportunities out there. Find the next one. Find where your people are.
Tina:
You shared such great advice and wisdom there.
Sometimes those decisions are hard—to know whether you should stay in the situation because management changes frequently.
But you’ve got to decide. You’ve got to protect your own personal peace. And you know in your gut when something’s right for you and when it isn’t.
Angela:
Absolutely. Listen to your gut.
That’s a great point. If you’re not feeling it, there’s a reason you’re not feeling it. You can’t force it.
I’ve tried to stay in situations and force it before. It doesn’t work.
You can lean into your allies, and that’s great. You can get past a lot of situations, but there are some situations that you just won’t ever get past.
Recognizing that and moving on sometimes is hard and difficult, but it’s the right move. I would recommend that as well.
Tina:
Angie, you’ve shared a lot of great advice today, and this has been so, so great. I know this is going to be so helpful.
Before we close, is there anything we’ve talked about that you hope women leaders in IT take away from our conversation?
Angela:
I think the biggest thing is to understand that you’re in the room for a reason, and you’re there because you bring value and a different perspective.
It’s always good. It is that diversity piece, in some respects, of making sure different voices are heard because people don’t always look at situations the same way.
Having a conversation where you’re discussing different points really helps everybody understand the larger problem.
Lean into your unique experience and really understand that it’s valuable and should be shared.
Embrace your unique self. That’s what I say a lot of times.
Tina:
I agree with you 100%.
There is a reason you’re in the room. I think oftentimes women leaders—well, not just women leaders, but women in general in IT and tech—sometimes really diminish their roles.
Like you said, they may not sound or be as confident as they need to be when you know they have great ideas that need to be shared.
Angela:
Women tend to fall into the caretaker role as well.
Generally, if you’re in the room and something’s going on—like lunch wasn’t delivered—you want to help.
Try to also be very cognizant of not always being that person who goes to help, because then it does kind of diminish your role.
I’m not saying don’t be genuine and help out when you can, but try to avoid the caretaker role a little bit because it’s easy for us to fall into that.
I think it can change the perception of you in the room as well.
Just be aware of that. Don’t be the go-to person for all the small stuff, or that’s where you’ll get put.
Make sure you’re engaging in the larger conversations as well.
Tina:
Great advice there. You want to be the one who gains the seat at the table.
Angela:
Yes.
Tina:
Angie, thank you so much for everything that you’ve shared today. I loved this conversation, and I know it’s going to be so helpful for the women leaders in IT and tech who listen to it.
Thank you again for your time today.
Angela:
Thanks for having me.