“It needs to get done, so I’ll just take care of it.”
Have you ever said that to yourself?
Someone on your team hasn’t followed through. A problem needs to be resolved. And rather than risk having something fall through the cracks, you step in and handle it yourself.
It may feel like you’re simply being a responsible leader.
But what if the problem was never yours to solve?
I learned this lesson the hard way after taking over an important deliverable that someone else was responsible for completing.
I got the work done—but it came at a very high cost.
Looking back, I can see that stepping in created a bigger problem than the one I was trying to solve.
In this episode, we’ll talk about how to recognize what’s yours to own—and when to step back and let others take responsibility for what’s theirs.
Recognizing What’s Yours to Own—and What Isn’t
Several years ago, I found myself in this exact situation.
A team member had an important deliverable due to our senior management and one week before it was due, announced he was taking vacation.
I asked how close he was to having it completed and couldn’t really get a clear answer.
I finally asked him to share it with me and I learned that it wasn’t even close to being ready.
My immediate thoughts were, “how could he let this happen?”, “doesn’t he even care about this deliverable?”
And what was even more frustrating is that it didn’t appear that he did.
He explained that a family member was visiting from out of state and he hadn’t known about it until a few days before letting me know.
And while I wanted to be supportive and let him take his vacation, I also felt a tremendous sense of responsibility for getting this important deliverable to our senior management.
We had committed to getting it done, and in my mind, that meant I needed to make sure it happened. I didn’t want it to reflect poorly on my team or organization.
Having successfully managed some highly visible IT projects throughout the years taught me that you never miss an important milestone—and this was one of those.
Meanwhile, I felt like I was carrying all of the concern about what was going to happen, while he seemed to have already checked out knowing he was going on vacation.
I spoke with my manager about the situation, and he heard what I said, but didn’t offer any suggestions for how to remedy the situation.
So, I took it upon myself to jump in and complete the deliverable for my team member. It required many long days and an entire weekend to get it ready.
I worked through several difficult discussions with his customers and we finally agreed on the recommendations we were ready to present.
And while the deliverable was ready on the date we committed to, I was exhausted—physically, mentally and emotionally.
And I was angry.
I was angry that I had spent long days and an entire weekend doing work that wasn’t mine. I couldn’t understand how a professional could be so careless about something this important.
And I was frustrated that I didn’t feel supported by my management in figuring out another way to handle it.
But looking back, there’s something else I eventually saw that I couldn’t see then.
I was angry with everyone else involved in the situation, but I was the one who made the decision to take it all on.
No one told me I had to spend my weekend finishing that deliverable. I decided that getting it done was more important than allowing my team member to remain responsible for what he had committed to.
I thought I was being a responsible leader.
But I had crossed the line from supporting someone into taking ownership of something that wasn’t mine.
So if you’re someone who tends to jump in and fix things when they’re starting to fall apart, I want to give you three questions to ask yourself:
1. Is this mine to own?
Ask yourself, “Am I actually responsible for this—or do I just feel responsible for making sure it gets done?”
There’s an important difference.
I was accountable for supporting my team and making sure our commitments were taken seriously, but that didn’t mean I needed to personally complete a deliverable that belonged to someone else.
2. Is this mine to influence?
Maybe the problem isn’t yours to own, but you do have a role in influencing what happens next.
Could you ask questions? Clarify expectations? Provide guidance? Remove an obstacle? Or hold someone accountable?
I could have had a much more direct conversation with my team member about his responsibility for the deliverable by asking: “What’s your plan for getting this completed before you leave?”
Influencing the outcome doesn’t require taking ownership of it.
3. Is this something I need to allow someone else to own?
Allowing someone else to own something means they may handle it differently than you would. They may struggle. And sometimes, they may have to experience the consequences of not following through, even if it means failure.
You can still support them without rescuing them.
The stronger leadership decision is to step back and allow someone else to take responsibility for what’s theirs.
And I did just that from that point forward in my career.
Stay empowered and lead assertively!