When you move into a management role, it changes the dynamics of the relationships you once had with your teammates.
Suddenly, you’re no longer considered “one of the team.” You’re now “the boss.”
And that can be a difficult transition, especially when you’ve formed close relationships with some of your teammates.
You may even find you’re no longer invited to go out to lunch or social gatherings outside of work.
Some may question whether you’re ready to be a manager, whether you’re qualified for the position, or even believe they should have received the position instead of you.
So how do you navigate these changing relationships while establishing yourself as their new leader?
In this episode, we’ll explore how to step into your new role with confidence and build strong relationships with the team you now lead.
How to Build Trust and Lead Confidently Through Changing Relationships
I remember going through this type of transition when I stepped into my first management role.
I had worked with some of my teammates for many years, while others were newer to the organization.
And while I was adjusting to being their manager, they were also adjusting to having me as their leader.
Any change in leadership can create uncertainty. Your team may be wondering what will change, what you’ll expect from them, and whether the relationships they’ve had with you in the past will now be different.
And if they don’t know you well, they may be wondering what kind of manager you’re going to be.
I learned that you can’t eliminate all of that uncertainty on your first day. Your team needs time to adjust, just as you do.
But you can be intentional about how you show up from the beginning.
Rather than trying to prove that you deserve the position, focus on creating clarity, building trust, and helping your team feel confident about moving forward with you as their leader.
Here are five strategies to help ease the transition and begin building trust with your team:
1. Establish communication early.
Schedule a team meeting within the first few days of transitioning into your position. Don’t delay meeting with your team because you feel uncomfortable or think you need to have everything figured out first.
The longer you wait, the more opportunity there is for uncertainty and assumptions to grow.
Your team doesn’t need you to have every answer. They just need to hear from you.
2. Create clarity about what comes next.
Help your team understand the vision, mission, and goals of the organization and what you already know about the direction you’re heading.
You may not have a new organizational structure or all of your plans figured out yet. That’s okay.
But be clear about what you do know, what you don’t know yet, and what they can expect from you over the coming weeks.
3. Lead with humility and curiosity.
Let your team know that you have a lot to learn in your new position and that you’re looking forward to learning from each of them.
Allow them to ask questions. Listen to their experiences. Learn what’s working well and where they see opportunities for improvement.
People are much more likely to share openly when they feel you’re genuinely interested in understanding their perspective rather than coming into the role with all the answers.
4. Build trust through honesty.
Answer questions as honestly and openly as you can.
And when you don’t know the answer, say so.
Let them know you’ll find out and follow up with them. Then make sure you do.
You don’t build credibility by knowing everything. You build it by being honest about what you know, doing what you say you’ll do, and showing your team that they can trust you.
5. Reinforce that you’re on the same team.
Let them know you’re excited about this new opportunity and grateful for the chance to work with each of them.
If you’ve worked with some of them before, acknowledge the positive experiences you’ve already shared. And let the entire team know that you value the individual strengths, talents, and experience they all bring to the organization.
Your role may have changed, but you still need each other to succeed.
Now let’s circle back to something I mentioned earlier. What about the teammates who were also your friends?
Moving from teammate to manager can create tension in relationships that once felt easy and comfortable.
You may notice someone pulling away. Conversations may feel different. Or perhaps you sense resentment from someone who wanted the position you now have.
If you sense tension, don’t ignore it and hope it goes away.
Schedule some time to meet with that person individually.
Ask how they’re feeling about the changes taking place and give them an opportunity to share how they feel about having you as their new manager.
Then listen.
You don’t need to defend why you received the position or convince them that you’re qualified for it.
If they’re disappointed because they wanted the position, acknowledge how they’re feeling. You can have empathy for their disappointment without apologizing for being selected.
Your goal is to understand what’s happening from their perspective and create an opportunity for an honest conversation.
And if this is someone you’ve had a close relationship with, let them know you still value their friendship.
At the same time, acknowledge that your new role changes some aspects of your relationship.
There may be information you can no longer share. There may be decisions you’ll need to make that affect them. And there may be times when you’ll need to give feedback or hold them accountable in ways you didn’t have to before.
Then ask for their support as you make this transition.
Let them know you value their experience and perspective and want them to come directly to you if they see something you may not be aware of or have concerns about the direction you’re taking.
You want them to continue sharing their ideas and challenging your thinking when they see things differently.
They don’t have to agree with every decision you make.
But once you’ve listened to different perspectives and a decision has been made, you need them to respect and support the direction you’re taking.
And just as you intend to respect them and the contributions they make, ask them to respect the responsibilities that now come with your role.
One of the more difficult parts of managing former peers can come when you need to hold someone accountable.
You may be tempted to avoid a difficult conversation because you don’t want to damage the friendship.
But overlooking behavior or performance you would address with anyone else can create an entirely different problem.
Remember—your new team is watching how you lead.
If they see that someone receives different treatment because of a previous friendship with you, it can quickly affect your credibility and their trust in you.
You can be compassionate and still hold someone accountable.
In fact, being willing to have those difficult conversations is part of becoming the leader your team needs you to be.
And what if you’re worried that all of these changes could cost you a friendship?
That may be one of the hardest parts of this transition.
You can let someone know you still value their friendship, and you can continue to care about them personally. But you can’t control how they respond to the change in your relationship.
What you can control is how you show up as their leader.
Be honest, listen, communicate openly, treat people fairly and follow through on what you say you’ll do.
And most importantly, give yourself some grace as you learn how to navigate this new role.
You’re not only learning how to manage a team. You’re learning how to lead people who may have seen you as their peer just days before.
That adjustment takes time—for them and for you.
Your relationships will likely change when you become the manager, and that’s okay. It’s part of the transition you make when you step into a leadership role.
As you navigate the changes together, you have the opportunity to build new relationships with your team based on mutual trust and respect.
Stay empowered and lead assertively!